The following recipe, found online, was handed down by an old Mexican squid fisherman.
1) First, clean the squid, by cutting a single slit from head to tail. Remove all guts and the long spine bone.
2) Cut the head off the squid and save the tentacles for bait.
3) When finished cleaning, you should have a single, large sheet of inch-thick calamari steak. Take this large sheet of meat and lay it on the nearest roadway. Get in your truck and repeatedly drive back and forth over the squid. Repeat as necessary.
4) Pick squid up off roadway and throw into the trash.
5) Remove tire from truck and eat it. It will be softer than the squid, but will taste just like it.
6) Add salt and pepper to taste. Serves 8.