Immortalized Song Parodies

tonmo

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#1
Here they are... the song parodies. A truly classic thread from the old board...

-- tonmo

:band:

Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tani|
DOC STEVE O'SHEA
by Ann Onymous
(Tune: "Sweet Caroline")

Where it began
I really don't know for certain,
I think it was in New Xena Land

It was a girl squid
and with her our Steve was flirtin',
he asked her "Would you please hold my hand?"

CHORUS:
Arm, touching arms, touching arms,
Touching arms, touch-ing a-a-a-arms --
Doc Steve O' Shea,
he's too famous to forget!
It makes his day
when an Archi's in his net!

(And so he....) goes on a boat
looking for little squiddies,
hoping he'll find one every night

And if he don't,
it ain't a lost cause, kiddies --
he's still got his beer and Vegemite!

CHORUS:
Arm, touching arms....etc.

-- With apologies to Neil Diamond, Steve O' Shea, Tony Morelli, the entire TONMO community, and every self-respecting cephalopod in the world.


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tonmo|
LOL!


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|phil_eyden|
You star.

Can you do Bohemian Rhapsody?

"Architeuthis let me go! No, no no no no! mamma mia" etc etc


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tonmo|
I guess we can try another of his favorites, Elvis.

You ain't nothin' but a Vampyroteuthis infernalis, inkin' all the time...

ah, nevermind.


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tonmo|
And actually, *ahem*, restoring some integrity to TONMO.com, it is a fact that Vampyroteuthis infernalis indeed has no ink sac. Reference:

Vampyroteuthis infernalis Mantle Cavity


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tintenfisch|
Did someone say 'Bohemian'? You got it.

Is this the real thing
Is this just Arrow Squid
Caught in my glass jar
Looks liks an Architeuthid
Mount on a slide...
Soon identified, we see
It's an impostor, it needs no autopsy
Because it's different beak, different legs
Mantle's wrong, different eggs
Anyway you slice it, doesn't pique the interest
of Discovery, Discovery

Steve-O... just caught a squid
Kept it dark with lights of red
Fed it right but now it's dead
Steve-O... the trawling's just begun
Throw the other squiddies all away
Steve-O, ooooh, they may tend to die
But if they're still alive this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on...
Survival really matters

Too late, the food's too big
Pierces them inside
They were greedy and they died
Goodbye, lucky first catch
You had your go
Now we've learned the size to feed the baby 'teuth
Steve-O, ooooh (any way the squid grows)
Next time they'll survive
(Ever wonder how you got involved?)

I see a little flash of colour on a squid
Chromatophore! Chromatophore!
Will you camouflage quickly?
Predators and light beams
Rough these inner-net seams be!
Architeuthis, Architeuthis
Architeuthis, will you grow?
How many funds
Has Discovery put aside for thee, for thee, for THEE?

So you think you can stump me and ink in my eye
So you think you can tease me and then up and die?
Oh, Archi, can't do this to me Archi
We'll get you yet
And keep you alive in tanks here

Any way the squid grows...


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|sushigirl|
PURE GENIUS!!!;D


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tani|
INCREDIBLE! Tintenfisch, I pass my mantle on to thee. If only Freddie Mercury were alive to hear it.... Bravissima!

With genuine awe,
Tani


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tintenfisch|
awww, shucks you guys... 'tweren't nothing to it... i just had to give neil a little competition. and, may i say, having visited the home and office of his hugest and possibly only antipodean fan, he is well- and consistently represented in the southern hemisphere.
ugh. ;)


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tani|
I think it's about time we Orbifans had our say:

ODE TO A CAMERA-SHY CEPHALOPOD

by Sue D'eaux Nym

(Tune: "Pretty Woman")

Architeuthis, swimming through the depths
Architeuthis, I wanna catch my breath
Architeuthis --
I don't believe you,
you're much too long,
you make a shrimp of ol' King Kong....
Wowie!

Architeuthis, won't you pardon me
Architeuthis, I couldn't help but see
Architeuthis --
that you look wimpy as can be
like Ellis and Doc O' agree....
Blaaaagh!

Architeuthis stop and chill,
Architeuthis please keep still,
I can take your picture if you will....

It's a cinch I'll get a grant
if you sit there like a plant,
But I won't get nothin' if you ca-a-an't --

You'll look so pretty
when posed just right
come with me, squiddy,
on "Wild Discovery" tonight!

Architeuthis, don't swim on by
Architeuthis, don't make me cry
Architeuthis --
don't jet away, hey...

Okay --
if you swim out of my range, okay.
I'll sail on back to shore for now,
betcha a whale gets you anyhow --
What's that I see?
Are you jetting back to me?
Yeah, you're jetting back to me....
YEEE-HAH, Architeuthis!



Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tintenfisch|
Props again, Tani!

This is a dangerous, dangerous thread.

Coming soon... 'It's the End of the Search, Now We'll Grow it (And They'll Do Fine)'...


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tani|
OK, Tintenfisch, I admit you've got me stumped on that one. My closest guess is "Dammit Janet" from THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. What tune is it, really?

Speaking of RHPS, "Science Fiction Double Feature" might make a good squiddy song too -- but I can't seem to get further than the first line of the chorus: "Architeuthis, what a creature!"

Shivering with antici....pation,
Tani


Re: Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tani|
YEEE-HAH, Architeuthis!
Ahem....Ms. Sushi, it has occurred to me in hindsight (and as we all know, cephs have 20-20 hindsight) that I could've come up with an even better last line to my "Pretty Woman" parody. So if you're going to reproduce it on your site, please change that line to "SAY 'CHEESE', Architeuthis!"

Thanking thee most kindly,
Whatshername


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tani|
MY SON, THE CEPHALOPOD

by Squidney Inkelstein

(Tune: "Hava Nagila")


Oy, Architeuthis!
Oy, Architeuthis!
Oy, Architeuthis!
Why won't you grow?

Oy, Architeuthis!
Oy, Architeuthis!
Oy, Architeuthis!
I need to know.

I've fed you krill and chum
just like a Jewish mum,
when will you put on some
weight and some breadth?

What does Your Highness wish --
maybe gefilte fish?
Keep being picky and
you'll starve to death!

Ar-chi,
Ar-chi-teuth-is,
when are you gonna get nutrition?
When can I take a break from fishin'?
You're putting me in the position
that I will need a squid mortician.
Don't act so posh,
just have a nosh!
Architeuthis, won't you eat?


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tintenfisch|
That's OK, I realised today while hiking through the woods (don't ask me to re-create the train of thought, please - maybe it was as I smacked my head on a low-hanging gorse branch) that I entirely left out the 'Let me go! We will not let you go!' part of Bohemian.
Oops.
Anyway, the next was to be a spinoff of R.E.M.'s 'It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine).' But that has a lot - a LOT - of text, so ink-spiration hasn't struck yet.


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|steve_oshea|
OMG!!!!!!!!!


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tintenfisch|
Heh heh... Someone's been offline a while, methinks.
Reading this all at once WOULD be something of a shock to the ol' system, eh.


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|amniote|
I had to add something to this thread...

(To the tune of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds)

STEVE O IN THE SEA WITH TEUTHIDS

Picture yourself in a boat in a light swell
Of 2000 metres of New Zealand brine
Suddenly something lights up on the sonar
You're rushing to pay out the line

Down drops the camera the darkness enfolds
Nightvision ready and primed
See in the corner a flash that could be...
And it's gone!

CHORUS
Steve O in the Sea with Teuthids x3
Sa-a-a-a-y-y Che-e-e-e-ese!

Carry on down to a part of the abyss
So darkly uncharted that nobody knows
What type of ceph you could possibly find there
Or even how large the beast grows

Newspaper headlines appear in your mind
Shouting discovery's fame
Flickers of pride at the thought of a find
And they're gone!

CHORUS

Picture yourself in a sub in the ocean
The budget allowed you just one final try
Checking the cameras you notice a movement
A truly gargantuan eye!


Sorry!



Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tonmo|
:lol: That's good stuff. We almost have enough material to put out a CD. :P


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze|steve_oshea|
Not sure what Neil Diamond would have to say about the new lyrics to Hava Nagila though (anyone see his remake of the Jazz Singer? Marvelous stuff).


Re: Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tani|
I had to add something to this thread...

(To the tune of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds)

STEVE O IN THE SEA WITH TEUTHIDS
BRILLIANT, amniote!!!! ;D

BTW, are you an H.P. Lovecraft fan by any chance? I have no idea why I thought of that -- just something about your posts....

Tani


Re: Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tani|
Not sure what Neil Diamond would have to say about the new lyrics to Hava Nagila though (anyone see his remake of the Jazz Singer? Marvelous stuff).
Would you hate me if I said I liked the Al Jolson and Danny Thomas versions better? :cry:

Then again, I do like the song "Coming to America". And of course Neil is from Brooklyn, which automatically makes him superior to 99.99% of the population of the inhabited universe....

Speaking only the teuth,
Tani


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|phil_eyden|
Amniote, me old chum I am in awe. Here's my pathetic contribution:

To the tune of Desmond Decker's 'The Israelites':

THE AMMONITES

Got up in the Cambrian tentacles on our heads,
Come the Tertiary we were all dead,
Poor, poor me, the Ammonite.
Drifting through the oceans in search of ostracods,
I survived for millenia against all the odds,
Poor, poor me, the Ammonite.

You can tell my family from our rocky sutures,
Pity that we had a limited future,
Poor, poor me, the Ammonite.

After the meteor causin' a storm
My cousin Nautilus continued to spawn,
Poor, poor me, the Ammonite.


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|amniote|
Ah Phil, so you have got a poetic bone in your body! Reggae ammonites whipping up a storm in the Cambrian seas. With shells gaily painted red gold and green, and dirty tentacles that might remind one of dredlocks... :D

Tani, would you believe me if I told you that I had never read Lovecraft? Maybe these things become part of the popular consciousness, or sub-consciousness... I did like the idea that in the "Call of Cthulu" roleplay game ( which I have never played ) every character must, every turn, make a saving throw against insanity as the very echo of the Elder Gods is enough to put the schizo in schzophrenic.


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|phil_eyden|
Thanks, Amnioid. Technically speaking ammonites didn't appear before the Devonian but their nautiloid ancestors can be traced to the early Cambrian but I don't think it matters too much here!

We need a DJ for these songs. M.C. Architeuthis would be ideal as he could use ten mixing desks at the same time. Imagine the sound!


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tintenfisch|
DJ Dux in the house.

Heh heh.


Re: Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tani|
DJ Dux in the house.

Heh heh.
LOL, great! :)

So, which of us wants to be the first to contribute some Ceph Rap? ("I'm Slim Archi, I'm the Real Slim Archi....")


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tani|
....or, for the bubblegum crowd, Squidney Speared doing her big hit, "Oops! I Inked You Again."

:p


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tintenfisch|
Oy vey...

Or perhaps for the immature male group (read: boy band) fans... N*INK?


Re: Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tani|
Oy vey...

Or perhaps for the immature male group (read: boy band) fans... N*INK?
ROTFLMAO -- wish I'd thought of that! Say, are they the guys who sang "Let Me Show You the Shape of My Hearts"?


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tonmo|
Tani,

No, I think that was The New Squids on the Block.

...thanks for the softball... :P


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|phil_eyden|
Didn't the INK SPOTS do a cover version?

(totally unfunny)


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tintenfisch|
Of course the real original was done by the Beakles...


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|octomonkey|
Sure it wasn't 'ink Floyd????


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tintenfisch|
Just had to report N*INK's new hit single (in honour of Colin's new babies), to be released in the States and UK next week...

Wait for it...

'Bi Bi Bi(mac).'


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tonmo|
Whatever happened to the Marshall Sucker Band?


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|octomonkey|
...or Ozric Tentacles?????


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|steve_oshea|
....and the 'Ink Spots' too


Re: Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tonmo|
....and the 'Ink Spots' too
(that wasn't even funny the first time..) :D :P

Mantle Man's Earth Band? The Trawling Stones? Van Haliphron? Now I've really ruined it. inertia... :|


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|steve_oshea|
OK, I'm holding me head low in shame - I'm simply no good at this game???.

Missed Phil's earlier.

Off to listen to Don Estelle and Windsor Davies (sp?) version of 'Whispering Grass' - I'm sure I have that somewhere in the vinyl vaults ....


Re: Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|phil_eyden|
OK, I'm holding me head low in shame - I'm simply no good at this game???.

Missed Phil's earlier.

Off to listen to Don Estelle and Windsor Davies (sp?) version of 'Whispering Grass' - I'm sure I have that somewhere in the vinyl vaults ....
Cor, That Ain't Half Cheesy, Mum.

I bought that when I was about ten. Oh dear.


Re: Blame It On The Caffeine! Pleeeze!|tani|
Am I the only one on this board elderly enough to remember Jimmy Durante singing "Ink-A-Dink-A-Doo"? (Didn't even have to change that'un!) :)
 
#2
How about.... Lesse....

WALTZING MATILDA
"Docidicus Gigas"

Once a jolly Humboldt in Mexico's Sea of Cortez
Saw a guy named Alex Kerstich in the sea
He called his buddies over to goggle at the big food source
Yelling, "All of you humboldts, here's some food for free."

Docidicus Gigas, Docidicus Gigas,
Jumbo Squid, Humboldt Squid, what a ceph to see,
He called his buddies over to goggle at the food source
Yelling "All of you humboldts, here's some food for free!"

That humboldt, and two of his friends, they grabbed that diver very fast,
They dragged him down right close to the bottom of the sea,
Tearing off his diving gauge and Pre-Columbian gold chain,
Yelling, "All of you humboldts, here's some food for free."

Docidicus Gigas, Docidicus Gigas,
Jumbo Squid, Humboldt Squid, what a ceph to see,
Tearing off his diving gauge and Pre-Columbian gold chain,
Yelling "All of you humboldts, here's some food for free!"

Alex only barely escaped from the mass of tentacles,
From a trio of voracious humboldts living in Mexico's sea,
And if you are a diver, who jumps into the Sea of Cortez,
They'll yell, "All of you humboldts, here's some food for free!"

Docidicus Gigas, Docidicus Gigas,
Jumbo Squid, Humboldt Squid, what a ceph to see,
And if you are a diver, who jumps into the Sea of Cortez,
They'll yell, "All of you humboldts, here's some food for free!"
 

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