Immortalized Groaners

Discussion in 'Culture' started by tonmo, Dec 2, 2002.

  1. tonmo

    tonmo Titanites Staff Member Webmaster Moderator

    May 30, 2000
    Likes Received:
    With no thanks to Lithographette, here are the archives from the old board of untolerable jokes and puns... woe is you for reading these!


    Forward by Lithographette

    Cephalapuns originated on the message board as “A Forum for Groaners” and grew quickly into a sticky topic some 10+ pages long. As Tintenfisch put it, “I think it's ceph to say, most of us have a cirrious excess of time on our hands.” Even Tonmo himself wondered if the topic should be locked, to avoid potential mishap, “Better siphon sorry. I'm sorry, that was trawlful.” In the end, the groaners won, and the topic remains open for any who dare to enter. This page is the jokes and puns themselves, in between banter deleted, and divided up by the author. Although some are more prolific than others, each one is worthy of many groans.

    A lovely lady cuttle was trying to set her sister up on a blind date with a cuttlefish from the mailroom at work. “The trouble with most male cuttles is that they is that they go out 'inking with their friends on a Friday night and stay out until really late,” she said to her sis, “but this guy is different, he may be a little backwards and all arms, but his hearts are in the right place, although he is always hovering around and I’ve heard that his apartment is a real squid pen. Still every girl needs a good man-tle about the house, and I think you should give him a try.”
    “Maybe,” said the sister, “but I need to consult my psychic, Miss Octo, first.”
    “Miss Octo?” questioned the lady cuttle
    “Yes,” said the sister, “she is just fabulous with the Tako deck. Uses four suits: Pens (swords), Hectocotyli (wands), Suckers (cups) and of course, Tentacles.”
    Compiled from multiple authors

    Groaners from AMNIOTE

    An eccentric millionaire has a mansion right on the coast of southern California and he has a fantastic, Olympic-size indoor swimming pool. One night, while he's away buying art in Paris, a bunch of local kids manage to break in and begin partying in the pool. They're drinking and swimming and having fun when suddenly a voice comes out of the darkness.
    "Jesus is watching you!"
    The kids all but wet their already wet pants ( because they're swimming, what were you thinking?). They think that maybe there's a security guy, but they hear no more so they begin to relax. But the voice comes again,
    "Jesus is watching you!"
    Well, one of the guys gets out of the pool and goes towards the voice. It's in a really dark corner, but he can just make out a parrot cage, and inside is a big, gray parrot.
    "Hey! Birdie! Was that you talking about Jesus?"
    "Yes. Jesus is watching you." Now the kids are beginning to relax and swim about again. The guy looks at the parrot.
    "What's your name, birdie?"
    "What kind of idiot would call a parrot Moses?"
    "The same kind of idiot who thinks Jesus is a good name for a 7-foot Dosidicus gigas!"***

    Harold is happily married to Maureen and he has been interested in Aquaria since he was a teenager. But he's especially proud right now because he's managed to acquire a new, and very rare ceph. Maureen is not so keen, but she's a tolerant type, so there are no problems.
    Anyway, one weekend, Maureen's dragon of a mother comes to stay. Brenda is the bane of Harold's life, constantly trying to belittle him. She takes one look at his new pride and joy and exclaims,
    "EEEW!! What's that! Maureen, how can you give house space to this!"
    Harold patiently explains that the rare Mexican Bearded kelp Squid lives in the Sea of Cortez, among the kelp forests. The green color helps it hide from predators, and the bristles help it to probe in the silt for shrimp. Brenda simply gives him a withering look.
    Things go well for Harold for most of the weekend, as Maureen takes Brenda out shopping, leaving our enthusiast to bond with Mauricio. When they return to find Harold gooey-eyed because the squid is accepting food from his fingers, Brenda's resentment is palpable.
    But later, everything seems fine. They sit down to dinner. Brenda laughs and jokes and even insists that they leave the dishes as she will do them the next morning.
    The next day Harold comes down and goes straight to Mauricio's aquarium, but his little friend is nowhere in sight. He doesn't come when called, and no food will tempt him to appear. He goes into the kitchen, where Brenda is elbow-deep in soapsuds, humming gaily to herself. Harold asks,
    "Have you seen my squid this morning?"
    Brenda looks at him, looks back at the dishes, and bursts into song...
    "Now hands that do dishes can be soft as your face with lime-green hairy-lip squid!"

    i.e. "mild green fairy liquid" ***

    Groaners from COLIN

    A teuthologist walks into a bar with an Enteroctopus dofleini in a bucket. He stands on a table and announces to the bar that he bets his pet cephalopod can play any musical instrument given to it for free beer...

    So the first man hands the octopus a banjo and the octopus delivers a flawless rendition of 'dueling banjos' with guitar accompaniment from the bar's band. The banjo owner pays up and gives the squiddy scientist a pint of the bar's best beer.

    This goes on and on for several instruments including violins, flutes, trumpets and both the scientist and the octopus are quite tipsy.

    Finally a guy walks up and hands the octopus a set of bagpipes......... the octopus fumbles about a bit and not a noise is heard from the bagpipes..... The smug man says, "HAHAHA you cant play THAT instrument!!!" The octopus stared up at him with an incredulous look and said, "PLAY IT? I'm gonna mate with it as soon as I find a way to get it's pajamas off!!!" ***

    Q. What has eight arms and is invisible

    A. No octopuses... ***

    Q. How do you know there is an Architeuthis in your fridge?
    A. Because there are tentacle prints in the butter.

    Q. How do you know there is a GPO in your fridge?
    A. Because you can’t fit you bike in.***

    Q. Why did the GPO paint its hectocotylus yellow?
    A. So it could hide in the banana tree.

    Q. What’s the loudest noise in the jungle?
    A. monkey eating bananas.***

    Q. Why did the GPO cross the road?
    A. Cuz it was eating the chicken.***

    Q. What's white, sits in the kitchen and eats fish?
    A. Architeuthis fridge ***

    Q. What makes an octopus depressed?
    A. An octopus depressor.***

    Q. What’s big, green and eats octopuses?
    A. A big green octopus eater.***

    Q: What's red and looks like an octopus?
    A: A red octopus!

    Q: What's blue and looks like an octopus?
    A: A red octopus in disguise!***

    Q. How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A. Enteroctopus dolfleini ***

    An Architeuthis swims into a pub, goes to up to the barman and says `Gimme a beer!`. Nervously the barman serves the beer.
    After half a dozen pints, the barman goes to where the Architeuthis is standing and says, 'Don’t see many of your type around here`. The squid replies 'I am not surprised at $5 a pint!!!'***

    An Architeuthis swims into a pub. The barman says, "What's with the long face?"***

    Two squid are having a row. "I saw you again with that pretty young octopus!" the female screams. "No, dear, you've got it all wrong," protests the male. "Our relationship's purely planktonic!"***

    Scientists have finally succeeded in cloning the first Giant Squid. The clone is said to be so happy that he is beside himself.***

    A squid swims into a bar and asks for a pint. Barman replies "sorry we don't serve seafood."***

    An Architeuthis, a cuttlefish and a bimac walk into a bar.
    The barman says "Is this some kind of joke?"***

    An octopus walks into a Pub and asks for a pint, the surprised landlord exclaims "My God a talking octopus!" The octopus replies "Yeah, I'm working on the building site across the road. I'll be in every lunchtime for two weeks for a pint"
    "Fine" says the Landlord, and says no more about it. The next day the circus comes to town, and the ringmaster drops into the pub for a pint. The landlord says, "I've got just the thing for you mate! There's a talking octopus that comes in here for a pint every lunchtime - If you like, when I see him I'll tell him that you are interested in him." "Oh definitely" says the ringmaster, "Tell him to get in touch as soon as possible!" Without fail the octopus pops in that lunchtime for his pint. The landlord tells the octopus about the ringmaster's interest in him. The octopus asks "A circus? That's a tent isn't it?" "Yes" replies the Landlord. "It's made of canvas isn't it, with big red stripes on?" enquires the octopus. "Yes, that's right, you've got it!" answers the landlord excitedly. "But" says the octopus "What the hell do they want with a plasterer?***

    Two Architeuthis are eating a clown, one Architeuthis says to the other, does this taste funny to you!***

    Two bimacs in a tank, one says to the other "How do you drive this thing?"***

    A man takes his pet GPO to the vet. "My GPO's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the octopus up and examines his eyes, then checks his beak. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy"***

    Groaners from PHIL

    Q. What do you call a society of naked mollusc scientists?
    A. A Nudibranch***

    Poor old Archibald was suffering from terrible toothache. The pain was awful, and to cap it all he could swear he heard strange whispering and a murmuring voice coming from the afflicted denture. Somewhat alarmed, Archibald hurried to the dentist who agreed to extract the offending molar.

    "Very interesting," quoth the dentist holding up the tooth to the light. "Your tooth seems to have developed sentience."

    From that day forth to this the dentist was proud to publicly declare that:


    Groaner from RRTANTON

    Q: How do you catch a unique octopus?
    A: Unique up on him ***

    Q: How do you catch a tame octopus?
    A: The tame way (related groaner from Titenfish)***

    Groaner from TALAHORK

    Q. What do you get when an Archi plays football?
    A. Ten tackles.***

    Groaners from TANINGIADANAE

    I hear the Comedy Channel is releasing a new gross-out cartoon about a rude cuttlefish and his Dumbo octopus pal -- it's called "Pen & Grimpy”***

    Q. How many octos does it take to change a light bulb?
    A. Two -- one to change the bulb, and one to cannibalize the first one after it's been electrocuted.***

    Q. Bigfoot, the Loch Ness monster, the Yeti, an Architeuthis, and an honest lawyer are standing in a circle. In the middle is a pot of gold. At the signal, they all make a grab for it. Who gets the gold?
    A. Architeuthis does, because the other four don't exist.***

    Q. Why did Steve O'Shea cross the road?
    A. He thought he saw Neil Diamond holding an Architeuthis [or vice versa] on the other side.***

    Q: What has more than eight arms, no bones, multiple heads, and a tender flaky crust?
    A: Octo-pie.***

    Q: What checks eight people at once for hemorrhoids without a proctoscope?
    A: Gastroenterologist dofleini***

    Q: What do you call a squid without an eye?
    A: A squd.***

    Q: What has long hooked nails, a blue mantle, and can't keep its tentacles off politicians?
    A: Mesonycha Lew-ink-sky ***

    Q: Where do homeless alcoholic Archis hang out?
    A: Squid Row.***

    Q: What do homeless alcoholic sperm whales eat instead of caviar?
    A: Squid Roe.***

    Q: What did Archis say back in the Roaring Twenties?
    A1: "23 squidoo"
    A2: "I love my wife, but oh you squid"***

    Q: What has 10 arms, two big eyes, wooden sides, and lots of animals riding on its back?
    A: Noah's Archi.***

    Q: What do you call a slow squid with bad eyesight?
    A: Antipasto.***

    Q: What does a teuthologist's parrot say?
    A: "Polly want a kraken." ***

    Q: Name a famous squid composer.
    A: Wolfgang Architeuthis Mozart.***

    Q: Who is the world's most prejudiced squid?
    A: Archi Bunker.***

    Q: What is a ceph's favorite party game?
    A: Teuth or Dare.***

    Q. What do they play at Squizzard School?
    A. Squidditch! ***

    Were you aware that the great philosopher Rene Descartes had a talking pet octo from whom he got all his best ideas? It's true -- as soon as the ceph achieved self-awareness, the first words out of its beak were:

    "I ink, therefore I am."***

    This guy walks into a bar carrying a live octopus in his arms. He sits down, places the octo on the counter, and calls out, "Hey, barkeep, over here."
    Bartender turns around, does a double take, but tries to keep his cool. "Um, what'll you have?"
    "One ginger ale and eight shots of bourbon, please," says the guy.
    Bartender can no longer contain his curiosity. "Wow, that's amazing! Can he really drink all of those?"
    "You bet he can," grumbles the octo, hoisting the ginger ale, "and guess who always gets stuck being Designated Driver?"***

    Once upon a time there was a nice Jewish Kiwi teuthologist named Dr. O'Sheastein who was having all kinds of trouble trying to film a live Architeuthis. He had exhausted all his own ideas, so he decided to get some second opinions from his colleagues.

    First, Dr. O'Sheastein went to his friend Dr. Roperman, a wise old teuthologist who had been on many exciting voyages in his day. Dr. O' told his problem to his friend, and Dr. Roperman suggested going out in his trawler and lowering a trap baited with a lox-and-cream-cheese sandwich.

    "You really think that'll work?" asked Dr. O'. Dr. Roperman shrugged and replied, "It couldn't hurt."

    Well, poor Dr. O' sat out there for hours and hours waiting for an Archi to take the sandwich, but nothing happened. So he decided to speak with another colleague, Dr. Ellsky. Dr. Ellsky was a popular author and artist, and Dr. O' thought he might have some unique idea to share.

    "Lox, schmox," sniffed Dr. Ellsky -- "here, try this." He sketched a portrait of a female Archi, and advised Dr. O' to go down in a bathysphere and tape the picture to the vessel's window, so a male Archi might be tricked into approaching.

    Once again, the hapless Dr. O' had no luck. He stayed down there until his lungs nearly exploded, but there was not a single Architeuthis, male or female, in sight.

    Having run out of options, O'Sheastein concluded that there was only one thing left to do -- consult his Rabbi. And that's what he did.

    Rabbi Xenawitz was an elderly Chassid with a long beard and eyes that held the wisdom of the ages. When Dr. O' explained his problem, Rabbi Xenawitz went into deep meditation, stroking his beard and humming an old Yiddish tune. Finally the Rabbi emerged from his trance, lifted a finger in the air, and proclaimed:

    "My son, you must remove the roof of your house!"

    "Remove the WHAT?" said O'Sheastein. It sounded ridiculous, but the Rabbi went on. "You must remove the roof of your house, float it out to sea, and sit on it holding an ordinary fishing line, with an ordinary fishing lure shaped like a small squid."

    At this point, Dr. O' was willing to try anything, and even though he thought the venerable sage had flipped his yarmulke, he decided to give it a go.

    And so O'Sheastein did exactly as Rabbi Xenawitz had advised. He hired construction workers to remove the roof of his house and fashion it into a crude raft. He purchased an ordinary fishing line, and an ordinary fishing lure that was shaped like a small squid. Tying the lure to the line, he sat down on the roof, gave the signal, and was pushed out to sea by the construction workers.

    Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles, after less than half an hour a majestic 20-meter Architeuthis swam obediently up to Dr. O'Sheastein's floating roof, examined the fishing lure, and glided around the vessel cooperatively while the teuthologist made a beautiful videotape of the creature in action.

    Well, as you may have guessed, Dr. O'Sheastein's documentary was shown worldwide, he received millions of dollars in grants, and eventually he was given the Nobel Prize in Marine Biology.

    When he stepped up to the podium at the Nobel ceremonies, people asked him how he ever got the elusive Architeuthis to approach him so fearlessly.

    "It wasn't me," he said, blushing. "It was the Squid-lure on the Roof!" ***

    Steve O'Shea was scheduled to give a lecture at the American Museum of Natural History in New York (wishful thinking by the Tanster!). As part of his presentation, he wanted to bring along the full-grown live Architeuthis that he'd raised in captivity by himself.

    NIWA gave its approval to the lecture, but specified that the trip had to be made by steamship, because of the large space required for the Archi's tank.

    When Steve-O read this, he was furious. "A steamship trip? You mean all the way around Patagonia and up the coasts of two continents? No way, I'd rather go by air any day." But NIWA would not give him permission to take the Architeuthis on a jet plane.

    O'Shea was livid, and he decided to write a letter of protest, explaining why air travel would be more comfortable for him and the giant squid. He wrote letter after letter begging the NIWA executives to reconsider. But they continued to insist that he make the trip by boat.

    Finally, he decided to try a new tactic. When he had some free time, he picked up an audiocassette, and a tape recorder with a good microphone. Then he went to a nightclub, where he asked the owner permission to make private use of the club's Karaoke machine. After long hours of practicing at the club after hours, Steve was finally ready to spring the result on the NIWA executives.

    The next communication they got from him was not another letter. It was a small audiocassette tape. Puzzled, the execs found a cassette player in the office, and proceeded to listen to the mysterious tape.

    It didn't take long for the execs to figure out what this was all about. For generations thenceforward, they would tell their grandchildren about the day they listened to a tape of the World's Greatest Teuthologist, pouring his heart out into a bravura rendition of "It's My Archi and I'll Fly if I Want To"!***

    Tiny Tim was once stranded on a desert island surrounded by a jagged reef and hundreds of vicious Dosidicus gigas? The Coast Guard finally sent a boat out to rescue him, but the vessel couldn't get too close to the reef, and Tiny couldn't get past the Humboldts.

    So the rescue squad announced to Tiny, over a loudspeaker, to wait till the Dosidicus were asleep, and then wade out to where the boat was anchored. He waited several hours, and at last there was no sign of squid activity near the water's surface.

    Tiny called out to the boat, "I'm ready, but how can I do this without waking them up?"

    "Easy," said the rescuers over the loudspeaker. "Just take off your shoes, roll up your pants legs, and Tiptoe through the Teuthids."

    Meantime, let me tell you a nice little story about our Steve-O's childhood. See, he wasn't really born in New Xenaland, he is a true son of Eire, born on the shores of the Emerald Isle. Sure and 'tis true!

    Anyway, little Stevie and his family lived next door to a kindly old fisherman, Seamus Pyke, his wife Brigid, and their four strapping sons. Every evening, guided by the beacon of the old lighthouse, Seamus Pyke and his sons would go out on their trawler, casting out their nets for the edible gifts of the sea. Sometimes they would allow 10-year-old Stevie to sail out with them, and thus it was that he acquired his lifelong love of everything aquatic.

    But one day, the lighthouse beacon failed, and no one could repair it. Everyone in the village feared the loss of their livelihood, especially the Pyke family, who usually pulled in more seafood with their trawling nets than anyone else.

    Fortunately, little Stevie O'Shea was already beginning to show signs of his budding aptitude for teuthology. The young prodigy suggested that the villagers set up a floating navigation beacon off the coast, not far from where the lighthouse stood. He made the radical proposal that the floating beacon be illumined by harnessing the energy of the numerous large, bioluminescent squid that lived in those waters.

    So the entire village went to work, building the towering buoy and searching for at least a dozen Taningia danae to harness the energy of their photophores. At last a sufficient number of the squid were found and connected to the completed navigation marker. The light shone so brightly that the villagers -- led by Seamus Pyke and his sons -- were once again able to sail out in their trawlers at night to make an abundant catch, just as they did when the lighthouse beacon guided them.

    Little Stevie, of course, moved to New Xenaland with his family, and grew up to be the world's most famous teuthologist. But in one little corner of the Emerald Isle, the villagers will always remember him as the 10-year-old kid who saved their fishing industry. And to this day, if you go to the village pub, you can still hear them singing:

    "Oh danae buoy, the Pykes, the Pykes are trawling...." ***

    Groaners from TINTENFISCH

    Q: Who was the most famous cephalopod baseball player of all time?
    A. Mickey Mantle.***

    Q: Where to squid scouts sleep out?
    A: In tent-acles.***

    Q: What part of the squid swells the most during long overseas airplane trips?
    A: Its tentankles.***

    Q: What's a squid poet's favorite literary device?
    A: The sper-metaphor.***

    Q: Why didn't medieval knights ever try to rid the countryside of marauding squid?
    A: Because the pen is mightier than the sword.***

    Q: Where do teenage squid hang out and spend quarters?
    A: In the Archade.***

    Q: Where are squid tears produced?
    A: In their tear dux.***

    Q: Are squid always happy?
    A: No, some are always chranchy.***

    Q: Can squid and sperm whales be friends?
    A: No, they're Arch-enemies.***

    Q: Where do squid eat when they're in a hurry?
    A: At the Golden Arches!***

    Q: How do ceph ranchers keep their unruly livestock in check?
    A: They use cuttle-prods.***

    Q: What cartoon feline is famous for his zany underwater disappearing acts?
    A: The Ink Panther.***

    Q: What's a ceph's favorite detective board game?
    A: Cthulhu.***

    Q: Do octos like to share their meals?
    A: No, they're mostly shellfish.***

    Warning: racy...
    Q: Why don't squid experience massive population booms?
    A: They practice ceph sex.***

    Q: Who's a squid's favorite tennis player?
    A: Cephi Graf.***

    Q: Where do socialite Taningia danae hang out on Friday nights?
    A: At the Tentacle Club.***

    Q: Where do young squid play at recess?
    A: On the Loligo-round.***

    Q: What's a T.danae's favorite perfume?
    A: BioluminEssence.***

    Q: What's a ceph's favorite candy?
    A: Squittles.***

    Q: What insect plagues teuthids at their summer cabins?
    A: Mosquidoes.***

    Q: When does a squid know it's time to go to the dentist?
    A: 2.30 (Teuth-irty... tooth-hurty... ugh)***

    Q: What oath must witnesses swear before testifying before a squid judge?
    A: I swear to tell the teuth and nothing but the teuth...***

    Q: Where do octopeas grow?
    A: In octopods!***

    Q: Where do squid kings keep their armies?
    A: Next to their tentaclies.***

    Q: What currency do British cephs use?
    A: The sQuid.***

    Q: What do you get when you cross a blue-tongued lizard and a teuthid?
    A: A squink.***

    Q: What do little octopuses get when they go with their mommies to the bank?
    A: Suckers!***

    Q: What do mad squid scientists store their chemicals in?
    A: Beakers!***

    And a gross one...
    Q: How can you tell if a ceph wound is infected?
    A: It oozes octo-pus.***

    Q: How does Tony Morelli cut his grass?
    A: With a TONMO-er.***

    A male Architeuthis goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I have a rather personal problem.”
    ”Oh yes?” says the doctor, “tell me about it.”
    ”Well,” says the male Architeuthis, blushing, “I have five hectocotyli.”
    ”My, my,” replies the doctor, “how do your pants fit?”
    ”Like a glove.”***

    A firefly squid walks into a bar, takes a seat, and is immediately approached by a smooth-talking male. He offers to buy her a drink and asks,
    ”So, you come here often?”
    ”All the time, actually,” she replies coolly.
    ”That can't be,” says the male.
    ”Oh?” she says, archly, 'and why not?'
    ”Well,” he says,


    (woulda seen ya)***

    An Archi crawls into a gardening store, fixes the clerk with one large baleful eye, and asks, 'Got any dux food?'
    'No,' says the clerk. 'This is a gardening store - we sell soil, pots, seeds. Why would we have dux food?'
    'Thanks anyway,' says the squid, and slides out.
    He returns the next day, leaving a trail behind him as he pulls himself across the floor (I wasn't kidding that they're slimy!).
    'Got any dux food?' he asks the clerk hopefully.
    The clerk sighs, irritated, and says, 'We didn't have any yesterday, and we don't have any today. Look at the mess you're making!'
    'Thanks anyway,' says the squid, and slips back out.
    The following day the clerk looks up sharply as the door chimes, and sure enough, there's the Archi making his way over the doormat.
    'Got any dux food?' he queries again.
    'NO!' says the angry clerk, 'We DO NOT CARRY dux food. We are not due to get any in. We will not have any tomorrow, or next week, or next year, and if you come back and ask again I will nail your tentacles to the floor!'
    'Thanks anyway,' replies the Archi as amiably as ever, leaving his trademark swath of phlegm on the floor as he exits.
    One day later, the clerk looks up in disbelief to see the massive slippery bulk of the Archi once again crossing his threshold.
    'Hi,' says the Archi. 'Got any nails?'
    'No... ' answers the clerk, somewhat puzzled.
    'Great,' says the Archi, 'got any dux food?'***

    A Groaner from TONMO

    James Bond Movies?

    Dr. Nautilus
    From Rossia With Love
    On Her Majesty's Cirrate Service
    Siphons Are Forever
    Lay Eggs And Let Die
    The Mantle With The Golden Gun
    The Spiruloved Me
    Never Say Never A-Pen (uunnnggghhh)
    Octopussy (well, yeah)
    A View To A Krill / License To Krill
    The World Is Not a Ceph

    Beatles Songs


    I Want To Hold Your Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand
    Roll Over Beakthoven
    Eight Arms A Week
    Ink For Yourself
    Papernautilus Writer
    Sgt. Pepper's Triple Hearts Club Band
    Lucy In The Sky With Siphons
    I Am The Nautilus
    Only A Northern Pacific Octopus
    It's All Teuth Much
    Back In The N.R.C.C.
    While My Guitar Tentacly Weeps
    Revolution 8
    Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me And My OctoMonkey (props to Colin)
    Octopus' Garden (required)
    Ballad Of John And Tako

    May I humbly suggest the following additions:

    Pen Lane
    Yellow Submarine (!)
    Duxwell's Silver Hammer
    Eight Arms, A Beak (sorry)
    Teuthowene Pam
    Oc-to-pi, Oc-to-pa
    Let It Beak
    Come Teuthgether
    Norwegian Squid
    Day Migrator
    Happy Just to Swim with You
    Magical Mystery Teuth

    and, stretching it perhaps:
    With a Little Kelp from my Fronds


    "With A Little Kelp From My Fronds" -- aaargh! Save me!

    ...FYI, some additional suggestions for our TONMO Top Ten-tacles (I'm running out of cephalophunnies, so I've resorted to a few other aquatic wea-puns):

    - BLOOPS! MY SQUID HID AGAIN by Bathy Spheres
    - (YOU'VE GOTTA) OOZE YOURSELF by the Real Slim Squiddy
    - THAT'S A MORAY by Dean Marteel
    - SLIME IS ON MY TIDE by the Rolling Foams
    - LA SQUIDA LOCA by Inky Martin

    and stretching it much too much:

    - HEART OF GLASS by the Teen Ophores
    - LONGFELLOW SERENADE by the Nemer Teens
    - WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR SCIENTIFIC NAME by the cast of "Cheers" and the NIWA Laboratory Singers

    (Well, you can't say that wasn't trying -- oh boy, was that trying!)
  2. Colin

    Colin Colossal Squid Supporter

    Nov 14, 2002
    Likes Received:
    Oh my poor friends..... I apologise :(
    Sorry i never knew it got soooooo bad!

    I think we should all hang our heads in shame.......

  3. lithographette

    lithographette O. vulgaris Registered

    Nov 20, 2002
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    Don't look at me, all I did was compile! My wit is not as quick as my typing. :wink:
  4. Fujisawas Sake

    Fujisawas Sake Larger Pacific Striped Octopus Supporter Registered

    Dec 24, 2002
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    HA HA HA!! I love it!

    But this site should come with a warning:


  5. nanoteuthis

    nanoteuthis Larger Pacific Striped Octopus Supporter

    Nov 20, 2002
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    Funny, I always thought that quote was from Dante's "V. INFERNALIS"!

  6. Fujisawas Sake

    Fujisawas Sake Larger Pacific Striped Octopus Supporter Registered

    Dec 24, 2002
    Likes Received:
    :shock: ...

    "Oh TaningiaDana-e-boy... The pikes, the pikes are calling" :wink:

    Sushi and Sake,

  7. tonmo

    tonmo Titanites Staff Member Webmaster Moderator

    May 30, 2000
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    Bumping here -- hey, Tintenfish, we did good work with those Beatles songs!
  8. Tintenfisch

    Tintenfisch Architeuthis Staff Member Moderator

    Nov 19, 2002
    Likes Received:
    :heee: (and a bit of :oops:)

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