[Article]: Folkestone Fossil Beds (by Phil Eyden)

All Hail to Teshub, 'The Conqueror', 'The king of Kummiya', 'King of Heaven, Lord of the land of Hatti, Divine ruler of fossilised marime life, Creator of Hittite Sausages etc. His wife Hebat was a bit of a trout by the way, as for Sharruma [Damn Hurrian import] rumour has it he was a bit of a drama queen [Enough Hittite God gossip].


As you would no doubt expect from a ressurected mass dissembowler my particular War Chariot is the Deluxe Si model [Slave Injection] with an almost TARDIS like storage system including 12 Slaves capacity. So is indeed well fitted for Fossil finding expeditions as a basic 200kg load capacity exists[Depending if Horse or older Oxen powered model].

Your fine picture shows the MkII version driven by the Sorcerer Johnnus Hughesss [Famed for his powers of Invisability] I think perchance that this evil satanist was in fact looking for his "Lost Balls of Go-Lef". Having had his goolies chopped off for naughty deeds and cast away by the Sea-God. Presumably they too are to be found at Folkestone!

Hopefully the aforementioned "House of Sustenance" [Chipshop] will accommodate myself, horses and slave retinue. In exchange for you help a "Holy bag of chips" will be brought to you by Hapantallis, the Sun-god's shepherd.

Finally would it be possible for either yourself [Follower of the Dragon Illuyankas] or any other readers of this fine tablet to recommend some easy reading on the fossils of kent / care of / Chariot friendly terrain to find them on. :P
 
Greedings, Lord of the Horses of the Stables of Uruk,

Hittite Chariotmaster said:
Finally would it be possible for either yourself [Follower of the Dragon Illuyankas] or any other readers of this fine tablet to recommend some easy reading on the fossils of kent / care of / Chariot friendly terrain to find them on. :P

You mean there are other people reading this drivel?

Seriously, one fine tablet worth obtaining can bartered from the Museum in the Market Square in Dover printed by the noble scribe-house of “British Fossils”. The small papyrus stele has been translated as being titled “Where to find Fossils in Southern England” by the notable Lord R. Coram BA Hons (Oxon) (1989). It tallies to the sum of £1.50, but I’m sure in your case you could, instead, exchange 3 pregnant ewes or a collection of sharpened flint or copper hand-axes.

This Stele of Revealing is small in size but details in digestible segments province-by-province notable fossiliferous beds from the City-States of the Isle of Sheppey coastwards to that of the Severn Estuary.

Thankyou for the details of your war chariot. Perhaps one could consider attaching enormous trowels to the wheel hubs so that one may ride along the cliff face excavating the scree with the minimum of effort using horse-power?

I shall not comment upon the evil Sorcerer Johnnus Hughesss as I feel he is in league with the Necromancer Khris Bar-neth the Inscrutable and I feel their wrath would be unconducive to those of us still on TP. (Anyone still reading this twaddle – don’t ask).
 

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