occasionally, if im the only one sitting in the chatroom, i start coming up with haikus....(dont ask why) anyway, i found a file on my computer with several that i did one day... i figured id post them before deleting the file...

aquatic missle
going up, down, to and fro
evading o'shea

suffer from ennui?
write cephalopod haikus
in this here chatroom

Kraken with Razors
Evil Cuissanart for Fish
Messie comes for thee

what is wrong with you?
stop writing those darn verses!
talk about octos

he is still waiting
in r'lyeh with his minions
all hail cthulhu

abbra cadabra
the uprooted tree appears
wait, it was a dream

have another cold one
architeuthis will show up
and pink elephants


:cthulhu: :heart: :beer:

I'm glad to see our chat room is being put to good use! :mrgreen:

Poor Steve...he does catch a lot of flack!
I think that those are great!
Greg

i wasnt trying to crack on steve, just applaud the squid for being so wily... :)


:cthulhu: :heart: :beer:

WK, did you catch the poem by the kid in Hawaii that was on Tonmo last year? It was called "octopus"...one of my favorites! Hey Tony, is that in the archives somewhere?????
Greg

i dont remember it, but ill go back and check....i have a haiku in there as well... i think 2001, but im not sure....

oh no, not again
steve holding us in suspense
enough already :)

new discoveries
steve get your three dots ready
to give clem a stroke

sorry for the low quality, they were quickies...

Poor Steve...he does catch a lot of flack!


..... and the more flack that he catches the more flack that is flacked at him. He feels totally flacked sometimes :roll:

All I can say is :meso: and :squid: 'look out'; there's squid on the horizon

tis an acronym
but lacking the letter 'c'
go ask tintenfisch

sorry, im on a quasi-roll

no harm intended
to the great squid hunter steve
all apologies

:)

None taken, not to worry - but this acronym business has me scratching a bald spot :goofysca:

sorry about that...flak is a german acronym from wwii.... (hence the ask kat line)

uhhh lets see: Fl(ieger) a(bwehr) k(anone)

i stand somewhat corrected, id never seen it before but the dictionary has an alternate spelling with a 'c' in it.... well shoot...

Please translate!
German acronyms don't do much for me when they are, uh, still in German. :?:

i think the literal translation is flyer defense cannon....or anti-aircraft artillery (AAA)

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, now I see
first new thing I learned today! :grad:

White Kiboko-san
I once posted a haiku
to old Message Board

Why did it remain
unsung and unrecognized?
it was serious :cry:

Now -- O frabjous day --
an excuse to revive it....
Beware my next post!

:twisted:

The hippo, blame not
you know mirth is my domain
post without delay

:cthulhu: :heart: :beer:

WK, you are correct, sir! Flak is the correct spelling of the anti aircraft air exploding projectile guns...the brits also called it "ak-ak" (jeez, sounds like the martians from Mars Attacks)
Great poetry...always brings a grin to my sunburned face!
Greg

talking like yoda
haikus seem to encourage
tis why i love them

:cthulhu: :heart: :beer:

To be at work now
And also here at Tonmo
this is true joy, yes?

TaningiaDanae
slow to produce her lost work :P
behold my old one


Skulking through the sand
An underwater Shiva
Stronger than a tongue

odd.....i thought that last line was "strong, like a tongue" oh well i guess i change it back

Skulking through the sand
An underwater Shiva
strong, like a tongue


any opinions on which is better?

:cthulhu: :heart: :beer:

my vote is for stronger than

O horrible fate --
to misplace that big journal
of haikus I wrote!

Alas, my "babies"....
Perchance a dingo ate them
like in that movie.

Or, twenty years hence,
from an old magazine pile
they will shout, "Surprise!"

:boohoo:

no worries tani
i too suffered in that way
happens all the time

any opinions on which is better?

:cthulhu: :heart: :beer:

Re "Strong like a tongue":
That is just four syllables,
too few for last line.

For five-seven-five
return to original:
"Stronger than a tongue"

Domo arigato :notworth:

that could have been the reason i changed it..... of course itd be just like me to just throw a junk qualifier like 'much' in front of 'like'

tako the octo
the shows, far and few between
working twice a year

:|

Less flak than missile
A Mesonychoteuthis
Screams across the sea

Thinking it the moon
Writhing kraken love and die
'Neath the lighthouse arc

O'Shea sows suspense
A Tasmanian Devil
Lurks outside his room

After a long flight
Clem arrives to make mischief
in Lovecraft Country

Thinking him human,
directors gladly give him
A Role In The Play

Little do they know
he majored in "haunt cuisine",
Miskatonic U.

:madsci:

Alas, tempt me not
Distraction most foul, most fair
I've research to do!

Yet, looking over
At Teuth slumped in his desk chair...
Steve-O needs coffee.

Something stinks in here
Is it squid? Garbage? Steve? No...
The kitty did it.

Stomachs growl madly
Lunchtime irony: so much
Squid, so little food.

(These remind me of
A summer I spent birding
But mostly writing.)

O Giant Squid, how
Canst thou be so intriguing
And yet so stupid?

sounds like we have someone hooked :twisted:


:cthulhu: :heart: :beer:

I am very impressed with Tintenfisch's work, and equally disturbed at the vivid description of their habitat!

I think we found that bait that Greg's looking for in the Keeping Squids (http://www.tonmo.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php) thread...

Here, kitty kitty kitty... :twisted: :meso:

youre evil.... :) and the number of posts you currently have proves it :twisted:

obviously the proof was only temporary...

Twaz the moment I lapsed
brief slumber
perturbed

Worn down
Worn out
I should be interred

Can't live in the past
In dreams that don't last
Just emotions in time and space

Tiz not that I've lost it
I've let it go
The mind that is

Consciously
Although you'd not know
No need to show

So off with the light
I'll call it a night
And sit in the dark and ponder

Eyes open
Squid scheming
Simple dreaming

Somewhere
Anywhere
Yonder

I just don't know where

Yo, Steve-O',

You're not allowed to post that here -- that was actually good! (Though technically it wasn't haiku :grad: ) Please go back to the drawing board and write something sufficiently ridiculous for publication on this forum, before you show all of us up.

Tani
Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl
SADD (Squidly Alliance for Doggerel and Drivel)

WOT - there are rules????

Where are these rules of which you imply?

Rules
.... on TONMO?
Snort
Surely not

I will not stand for such rules!!
Rules are made to be broken! Ask Kat (she does it all the time ... there's one rule for her and one for everyone else). Oh I am sooooo going to get clobbered. No respect I say!

Snort.

I thought it was all about 3 lines......
What is a haiku anyway? Sorry, I misread it - I thought you were talking 'haoku' (that's the 3-lined one - Oh silly me - I'm always doing that you know - I'm deaf).
Rules
Snort
:oops:

Ahem.... Haikus are three-liners, but they also have to contain a total of 17 syllables, arranged in 5-7-5 form. (Don't blame me, some Japanese dude came up with that a few centuries ago 8) )

You are probably thinking of Hoku, daughter of Hawaiian crooner Don Ho, who recorded a song called "Another Dumb Blonde" for the film SNOW DAY. Her form, however, is 36-24-36.

Speaking of intelligent blondes, I've been watching WALKING WITH CAVEMEN on the Discovery Channel, and they were talking about Lucy, "the first famous person in the world." I've heard of Lucy many times before, but I didn't know there was such a thing as fame back then. Now what I'd like to know is, who was the first famous man in the world: Ricky? Fred? And was the second famous woman in the world named Ethel? And if the first famous person in the world was, say, Alice, would the next three be Ralph, Ed, and Trixie? Questions like these must keep thousands of paleo-anthropologists awake night after night. O tempora! O mores! (Oops, I forgot this was TONMO -- make that O morays!)

Another dumb brunette,
Tani Banani

Eh?
What on earth
Are you lot
Going on
About?

Phil, I know not what
They are all on about, see
I've lost the plot too

So join in with me
We'll go climb a tree and pee
From a great height, hee

A sad thing to see
Don't take me literally
My clutch is slipping

Insane as can be
Yes, in perpetuity
I am not a squid

I might look like one
But I do not taste like one
I'm a cucumber

With five toes per foot
And only two legs to see
Oh joy to be me

This frightens me too
Ten-toed, two-legged cucumber
Insane as can be

:goofysca:

Steve,

Do you always hit the sauce like this when your wife is out of town?

Seriously, though, for a cucumber your poetry's pretty good!

I am going to giggle about ten-toed cucumbers all day. :mrgreen:

Melissa

That one, Mr O'Shea, was of the proper tone for publication here, glad to see you've caught up to the rest of us.

the writing is bad
but my mouth is a smile now
for absurdity

Well done, Steve-O', Litho, et al! I just hope that the Steve-ster isn't a Sea Cucumber, otherwise every time he gets upset with us he'll -- well, I won't go there, but it definitely wouldn't be pretty.... :yuck: :!:

I just hope that the Steve-ster isn't a Sea Cucumber, otherwise every time he gets upset with us he'll -- well, I won't go there, but it definitely wouldn't be pretty.... :yuck: :!:

False modesty dulls
Taningia dares not say
Penis of the Sea

C'thullu decides to
Change his name to C'Saatchi
To woo Nigella

Tanks hiss and gurgle
Cats flee when Steve discovers:
Thongs make good slingshots.

:roflmao:

Someone new is hooked
The poet teuthologist
Has found a hobby

In the afternoon
He chuckled at TONMO - "Well,"
I thought, "no harm there."

Yesterday I left
Saying "Goodbye, Steve" - but this
Morning he's still here!

Of sleeplessness he
Complains, says he cannot work...
And now I know why.

Believe it or not
We can multitask and just
Finished a paper. :)

Mesonychoteu
-this doesn't fit in a hai
-ku. How annoying.

:?

I have a feeling
this topic should have been locked
a long time ago

<-- having fun

Mesonychoteu
-this doesn't fit in a hai
-ku. How annoying.

:?

In the first line, no
But Mesonychoteuthis
Fits well in the next

TONMO lowers the
Boom on a fruitful thread to
Bleak cries of dismay

Thread locked but still the
Hunger persists, so O'Shea
Turns to open-mikes

:band:

Tintenfisch, having
heard O'Shea on an open
Mic, runs for cover.

locking such a thread
would be cutting my siphon
to spite my mantle

locking such a thread
would be cutting my siphon
to spite my mantle

Cutting your siphon
Won't spite your mantle if the
Rabbi is careful

:heee:

Clem
Honorary Member of the Tribe since 1973

I've lost my marble
You're all sending me insane
Play a nicer game

Somebody in this
Office is not working... but
We will not name names.

Me thinks it be Kat
A really bad influence
I used to be good

On the count of five
Not on the count of seven
I'm going to :twisted: you

If only you would
Get some sleep, I wouldn't
Work circles around you. :P

For your lost marble
You might want to check that cat
like the old photo

Not circles my dear
It's you're imagination
We revolve around

Squid in the mirror
Squid yonder, on horizon
Watch your back dear Kat

Tentacles are long
Predate the unsuspecting
Venture not blindly

While you're not watching
Quiet, creeping up on you
Steve is now restless

Steve-O's counting out
Syllables on his fingers
Trouble lies ahead

Ah, your idle threats
Leave me less than terrified
Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark.

I fear I must go
Home for the weekend, but first
I deny it all!

I suspect there will
Be mischief afoot in my
Absence... so it goes.

But if I come back
And you're still here on Monday
There'll be hell to pay...

Scratching an armpit
He's wondering what to do
Scratching his head now

Sadly lost for words
Unable to retribute
Ponder what to do

Signing out for now
Have important things to do
Say bye to Kat now

She's gonna be sore
Perhaps even black and blue
Bye Kat, toodleoo

Might I add, dispensing with rhyme, she's the nicest person to ever pass through time.

I wouldn't touch a hair on her head

I wouldn't touch a hair on her head

But what about the cat?

Remember that when she vanished, just before she disappeared, there was nothing left of the Cat except her grin

Steve-O's counting out
Syllables on his fingers
Trouble lies ahead

no harm in counting
the master does it himself
the haiku hippo

She's gonna be sore
Perhaps even black and blue
Bye Kat, toodleoo

trouble down under
does this bode well for a job?
hey steve, i work cheap... :)

But what about the cat?

I found my marble
In the kitty litter box
Whilst I was digging

Excavating away
Note, not a peep out of Kat
Such tranquility

Left all alone here
Cephalopod companion
Has vanished today

Oh where oh where has
My pussycat gone, oh where
Oh where can she be

:twisted:

yet another time?
picky about signatures?
or to pass the time?

neil diamond. umm, no
certainly not horrible
but no number one :)

like those beatle chaps,
stevie in the lab with cats
expanding his mind

trouble down under
does this bode well for a job?
hey steve, i work cheap... :)

.... no trouble anymore ....

Wanted, recruiting
Employment opportunity
Cheap? I'm talking free

Tony in P.A.
had a quite fishy notion
and begot TONMO

one thousand octos
at four thousand typewriters
shakespeare in a day

Wanted, recruiting
Employment opportunity
Cheap? I'm talking free

free will work for me
if you let me eat Messie
as antipasto

False modesty dulls
Taningia dares not say
Penis of the Sea


Clem enlightens us
but -- pardon the phallic pun --
misses the whole point

for Sea Cucumber,
vile slug, ejects its innards
in gross self-defense

distracts predators
gives new meaning to the phrase
"puking one's guts out"

Pearl Fish knows its place
takes permanent residence
in SC's rectum

feasts on its gonads
which later regenerate --
weird symbiosis

such relationship
can only make one wonder
who's got a worse job?


C'thullu decides to
Change his name to C'Saatchi
To woo Nigella


Who is C'Saatchi?
What is Nigella, besides
black sesame seeds?


Tanks hiss and gurgle
Cats flee when Steve discovers:
Thongs make good slingshots.


Has Steve gone feral?
Since when does he mess with thongs?
Ban him from Rio!

Alas, some dark force
has switched his Neil Diamond discs
for Sisqo's "Thong Song"!

Warn all Kiwi blokes
to lock up wives and daughters
and good-looking sheep

O'Shea's back in town
and if he should misbehave
Jacuzzi awaits

so I'll re-submerge
rather than risk all to face
the Wrath of Squid-Man

:oshea: :heart: :meso:

Squid man gonna compose himself this evening, sit at home and have a drop of vino and write a haiku just for you, Tani. :)

Taningia,

The rain churns up grubs
I hear a scratching, smell skunk
Below my window

Nigella Lawson
Cook, Strumpet and English Rose
Beyond a squid's reach

Charles Saatchi her
Undeserving mate, ad-man
And Thatcher-booster

"Penis of the Sea"
Say Mediterranean
Salts of the sea-cuke

Don we now our squid
Apparel, a thread on threads
You go and find it

Clem

:roflmao:

"Groaners" watch your back
The funniest thread ever
Has reared its mantle

no harm in counting
the master does it himself
the haiku hippo
The master better
Check his finger count again
Consider this one:

have another cold one
architeuthis will show up
and pink elephants

dang....i hate when i do that..... i churn them out and forget to change the thought into proper format shouldve had an ' instead of the a.... i honor you with haiku and you point out my mistake :cry: but how do you know i dont suffer from polydactyly?

hanging head in shame
definitely lost my touch
humiliation

arrr!!! ye scurvy man
how dare ye expose my fault
we pirates cant count

you beat me to the punch tony, last night lying in bed i pulled this together

barrage of haiku
what on earth have i started?
a rousing success

-

i am unconcerned
with petty things like details
thus haikus my way :)

imagination awry
my plush octopus, a lush
and a mean one too!

I will not point out
imagination awry
oops i just did heh

:mrgreen:

...or perhaps that was
intentional, I can't tell..
either way it's fine

Was just responding
to your self-given title
of haiku master

how many masters
of haiku can't count to five?
now i'm in trouble

i'd better stop now
before i get myself whacked
by a pale hippo

neil diamond. umm, no
certainly not horrible
but no number one :)

If Diamond were One,
wouldn't Barry Manilow
be real Number Two?

:mrgreen:

[Disclaimer: I reserve the right to make fun of B**** M****** just like everyone else does, even though I still like "Mandy" and "Could It Be Magic". Deal with it.]

"Penis of the Sea"
Say Mediterranean
Salts of the sea-cuke


Could it be that those
Mediterranean salts
were at sea too long?

First envisioning
manatees as mermaids fair
then, funnier still

great genitalia
inching along the sea floor
with Pearl Fish in tow

one can only guess
what image was suggested
by anemones....

8)

:police:

Right! Wot's all this then?
These phallic references
are going to far!

You must remember
kids love cephalopods too
as do their parents

:alarm: :grad: :spongebo:

:police:

Right! Wot's all this then?
These phallic references
are going to far!

You must remember
kids love cephalopods too
as do their parents

:alarm: :grad: :spongebo:

I claim innocence --
'twas Evil Adam Eli
who led me astray.

To the Jacuzzi,
thou agent provocateur,
and eat Humboldt pie!

There's no Clem-ency
for those who place TONMOers
"in arms' way"!

:snorkel: :squid:

You must remember
kids love cephalopods too
as do their parents

Children likely made
The link between sea-cukes and
Wee-wees, don't you think

Better rope off the
Physiology forum
That hook is used how?

O'Shea pees freely
And garners no rebuke but
He's a PHD

:roll:

Clem

No worries there Clem
If I had been serious
I'd not use haiku

Oh, ahem, um... No worries there, Clem. If I had been serious I'd not use haiku. :wink:

O'Shea pees freely
And garners no rebuke but
He's a PHD

:roll:

Clem

Tiz just a title
of little import to me
I'll give it to you

Dr Clem, are you calling me incontinent?
:wink:

So join in with me
We'll go climb a tree and pee
From a great height, hee


See?

There's no Clem-ency
for those who place TONMOers
"in arms' way"!

:snorkel: :squid:

Even the were-squid
may run out of tentacles --
witness the above

So forgive me, folks,
and change that last line to read,
"in arms' way," oy vey!

(And while we're at it,
what's an SUV for whales?
Cetacean Wagon!)

:jester:

(And while we're at it,
what's an SUV for whales?
Cetacean Wagon!)

:jester:

OMG how great
a Groaner in a haiku
now THAT'S impressive

:thumbsup:

Must stop haiku-ing
I'm going out of my mind
it's all Brian's fault

If Diamond were One,
wouldn't Barry Manilow
be real Number Two?



Heavens, we had this discussion yesterday in the office; the when to use 'were' and 'was'. Is there a portal into my mind on TONMO somewhere? No wonder things are so messed up in there!

I am deeply hurt my dear Tani! Of course you had meant was!

Steve O'Shea DhP (Dr of hypocracy)

Too far gone my eyes
Stare my pallor dims time to
Swim beyond the reef

No, not the Innsmouth
Look but the contagion of
Haiku steals me there

Borne down into dark
Architeuthis greets me and
He says I look sick

And now a great treat
Tani's haiku from archives
of the old board vault


Haiku (for Dr. Mike Vecchione & colleagues)

DEEP MYSTERY

Graceful benthic ghost,
cephalopod archangel:
You, your dance....nameless.

by Tani
20 April 2002

I will not point out
imagination awry
oops i just did heh

:mrgreen:

well done..... i was worried no one would catch that :)

ps- self proclaimed master of course, just like all the other well balanced people out there :bugout:

<sniff> gassy cattle
and sheep causing a problem?
how about the squid?

CNN Story (http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/asiapcf/auspac/06/20/offbeat.nzealand.sheep.tax.reut/index.html)

dont count syllables
you would not like me angry...
hulk? hah.... a weakling :)

had to throw that in there...just a joke...i dont need to be ripping off my shirt anytime soon.... maybe after a little more time in the gym...

tonmo denizens
oh the fickle folks they are
haikus no longer :(

If splitting, verse-born
Headaches mark me a fickle
Squid fine be that way

ow.

:meso: :wine:

a hangover cure
is to never stop drinking
HA! i have you now!

dont stop suddenly
or your brain will surely blow!
tis too late for me :madsci:


Mu ha ha ha haaaaaaa!

Drinky Crow says to
Uncle Gabby: I cannot
Stand these hangovers

Uncle Gabby says:
Well Drinky Crow, perhaps you
Ought to quit drinking

And Drinky Crow says:
I have tried that, but I found
It made me sober

Ow.

And Drinky Crow says:
I have tried that, but I found
It made me sober

Ow.

So reminiscent
of a Clancy Brothers tale
I heard long ago:

The elder Clancy
called his young sons together
saying, "Boys, take note!"

then dropped an earthworm
into a glass of whiskey.
Worm struggled, then died.

"There's a lesson here,"
said the somber Clancy père,
"can ye guess it, boys?"

Silence fell -- and then
young Tom spoke: "If ye've got worms,
don't fret.... drink whiskey!"

:mrgreen:
The Levantine Colleen