Ok, so the joke needs some work... check out my edit. By the way, how many physicists do you know who would actually walk in the ocean? Wouldn't they just figure out some formula in the safety of their lab? :razz:

The only physicists i've ever know worked on the theroethical side of the discipline, which according to my observations, involved them wandering around doing whatever they felt.....

Maybe I won't be so cynical if any of them publish. Ever.

Originally posted by White Kiboko

Maybe I won't be so cynical if any of them publish. Ever.

:lol:

Glad you liked it, though the delivery wasn't quite mine, a bit more akin to the style of Um or Clem.....

Maybe i'm coming down with something:

"You look a little peaked. Are you ok?"
"Eh, It's nothing. Just feeling tad Clemish."

Actually I thought it was more Gregish...

BLASPHEMY!!!!

ps- Greg: :razz: :grin:

Oh no...when you are feeling "gregish" you will know by the colour of the slivey toves, and you will go from mimsy to outgrabe in the space of five parsecs.

:)

A physicist would be likely to use some sort of a boat. Archimedes rules! (Ruled!)

The owl?

My classmates recently held an online discussion of jokes. Granted, we're all kind of nerdy science students, but I still think they are pretty funny. They're mainly science jokes, but I figure this is a scientific forum, and therefore enough people on here should get them to make it enjoyable.


Q: What do you get if you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?
A: Nothing, you can’t cross a scalar with a vector
(I remember that math lesson)

Math teachers don't die, they reduce to lowest terms.

Cats always land on their feet. Toast always lands peanut butter side down. Based on these axioms, a cat with peanut butter toast strapped to its back will therefore hover above the ground in a state of quantum indecision.
(Would love to see that!)

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron".
The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
(Ah, so many chemistry jokes!)

Two antennas get married. The wedding wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

If both a bear in Yosemite and one in Alaska fall into the water
which one disolves faster?
The one in Alaska because it is Polar

What is this molecule: H3NCONH3?
Urea.
What is this molecule: H3NCONH2-H2NCONH3?
Diurea!!!

Alas for Little Willy
We'll not see Willy more
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4
(Who can say no to a joke that rhymes?)

What did the psychologist do after she had twins?
She baptized one, and kept the other as a control.
(You may need to have taken a psyc course to appreciate this)

How do you tell the sex of a chromosome?
Pull down it's genes

What's a pirate's favorite amino acid?
Arrrrrrrrginine. (For those pirates on the boards)

And finally, something slightly different:
There are two sausages in a frying pan. One says "Man, it's hot in here!" and the other replies "HOLY CRAP A TALKING SAUSAGE!"


Cheers!

Q: What's up?
A: Right cross forward!

Q: What's purple and commutes?
A: An abelian grape

Now see what you've dredged up here, Steve?
:oops:

Well, I'm having fun, anyway :grin:

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron".
The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
(Ah, so many chemistry jokes!)


A neutron walks into a bar, sits down and has a few beers, then asks for the bill. The bartender says, 'For you? No charge!' :heee:


Loved the antennas, Jesse. 8-)

oh noooo!:lol: Actually to be fair I did laugh at those Chemistry jokes, quite loudly as well!

Here's some, I don't know if they've been said before, but I'm too afraid to plough through the depths of this thread... I fear for my sanity:

What's tthe most common type of owl? the teat-owl (tea-towel) :roll:

why did the owl 'owl? 'cause the woodpecker would peck 'er... That's a flaming awful one.

Two cow in a field, and one says to the other "mooo", the other says "Oi, cheeky git, I was going to say that!"

"An unknown masked robber stole all the toilets in the local constabulary, after a week of investigations, the police still have nothing to go on"

I have loads more but a lot of them are visual, like "what's this? (slide palm of hand past ear while saying "vroom!"), an engine-ear... what's this? (same again but wave and say "hi" before) a Civil engine-ear"
:tomato:

A piece of string goes into a bar, and the bartender refuses him, saying that they can't serve string, so next day he ties a knot in his midriff and goes back to the bar
"oi, can't serve you sunny"
"how so?"
"you're a piece of string aren't you!?"
"no, I'm a frayed knot" (afraid not)

in the words of Fozzie bear, wakka wakka wakkaaaaahttp://www.wellige.com/ulli/images%2Fmuppets_fozzie.gif

Graeme

:lol:

Anyone remember the Chemisty"Bond" jokes?

Graeme, those are worse than groaners....I don't know if word exists to describe just how BAD those are............

Guys, guys!! These are supposed to be cephalopod jokes!! The jokes you are telling here have nothing to do with cephs, and that just doesn't make any senescence.

Ok, ok, ok

Where do you find a down and out octopus?
On squid row...

oh noooo!:lol: Actually to be fair I did laugh at those Chemistry jokes, quite loudly as well!

Here's some, I don't know if they've been said before, but I'm too afraid to plough through the depths of this thread... I fear for my sanity:

What's tthe most common type of owl? the teat-owl (tea-towel) :roll:

why did the owl 'owl? 'cause the woodpecker would peck 'er... That's a flaming awful one.

Two cow in a field, and one says to the other "mooo", the other says "Oi, cheeky git, I was going to say that!"

"An unknown masked robber stole all the toilets in the local constabulary, after a week of investigations, the police still have nothing to go on"

I have loads more but a lot of them are visual, like "what's this? (slide palm of hand past ear while saying "vroom!"), an engine-ear... what's this? (same again but wave and say "hi" before) a Civil engine-ear"
:tomato:

A piece of string goes into a bar, and the bartender refuses him, saying that they can't serve string, so next day he ties a knot in his midriff and goes back to the bar
"oi, can't serve you sunny"
"how so?"
"you're a piece of string aren't you!?"
"no, I'm a frayed knot" (afraid not)

in the words of Fozzie bear, wakka wakka wakkaaaaa[Graeme




<begins organising angry torch-wielding mob>

Quote: quote by bigGdelta
Originally Posted by Graeme
oh noooo! Actually to be fair I did laugh at those Chemistry jokes, quite loudly as well!

Here's some, I don't know if they've been said before, but I'm too afraid to plough through the depths of this thread... I fear for my sanity:

What's tthe most common type of owl? the teat-owl (tea-towel)

why did the owl 'owl? 'cause the woodpecker would peck 'er... That's a flaming awful one.

Two cow in a field, and one says to the other "mooo", the other says "Oi, cheeky git, I was going to say that!"

"An unknown masked robber stole all the toilets in the local constabulary, after a week of investigations, the police still have nothing to go on"

I have loads more but a lot of them are visual, like "what's this? (slide palm of hand past ear while saying "vroom!"), an engine-ear... what's this? (same again but wave and say "hi" before) a Civil engine-ear"


A piece of string goes into a bar, and the bartender refuses him, saying that they can't serve string, so next day he ties a knot in his midriff and goes back to the bar
"oi, can't serve you sunny"
"how so?"
"you're a piece of string aren't you!?"
"no, I'm a frayed knot" (afraid not)

in the words of Fozzie bear, wakka wakka wakkaaaaa[Graeme





<begins organising angry torch-wielding mob>

Nonsense!! They were awesome and I hurt myself laughing at them!! (What does that say about me?? :shock:

Here's a reeeeeally bad one then... Dunno where it came from... probably the dark recesses on my mind...

Did you hear about the fight between the two octopuses? one kicked the other square in the tentacles! Claimed the poor blighter owed him 20 (s)quid!!

How do squid get to the moon? In a space cuttle

What do you call cephalopods that work on backshift? Am-on-nights...

Did you hear about the octopus streaker? He waves his hectocotylus at people...

:tomato: :tomato: :tomato: :tomato: You ain't heard a bad joke til you've heard a Graeme!

Well you did say ceph-related... That's the only ones I could think up... unless they've been done before, I dunno :razz:
Graeme

Guys, guys!! These are supposed to be cephalopod jokes!! The jokes you are telling here have nothing to do with cephs, and that just doesn't make any senescence.

:lol: Yeah I s'pose some of the jokes are old... Erm... that's what senescence means, right?? :grin:
Hot diggedy, I knew uni came in useful for something! I knowed a big word!

Graeme

Ok Graeme, you win!! :bugout:

:tomato: :tomato: :tomato:

Hey, those are actually pretty good, as groaners go

:jester:

Ya really think so? Hmmm, I may have to rethink smoething here...

Graeme

Found this on fark.com today... create your own comic strip:

http://www.stripgenerator.com/

Here's mine, based on Graeme's submission... :mrgreen:

here's one that I'll add as an attachment...

hey Tony you're pretty good at these! :mrgreen:

Well thanks... all these years of reading the comics has paid off!

The other ones below the link above, by the way, are not mine... and they are disturbing! in fact I will edit the one above and just attach the one I did, lest anyone think differently!

I look rather like a Tardis in that comic. Perhaps appropriate! I could vaporize anyone with my laser death ray and finally have returned the Neil clipping.

Poor Steve. He is under some illusion that someday, somehow, something he once valued will be returned to him. Ah well, when all else is lost, cling to the last shreds of hope. :boohoo:

Feeble as they might be...

only in the funny papers, as they say :mrgreen:

There is no way I am actually spending time doing this...

tsk tsk tsk... they just won't let up will they Dr. Steve??

:mad:

:roflmao:

!

For some reason, this is starting to remind me of the Wizard of Oz...

Steve "I must have that ND article"

Kat "The Good Witch of the North told me not to..."

Well, yes, I suppose that is another way to end the story...

:shock: :goofysca:

i don't have the clipping i don't have the clipping i don't have the clipping

Well, yes, I suppose that is another way to end the story...

:shock: :goofysca:

i don't have the clipping i don't have the clipping i don't have the clipping

...yet...it's coming, it's coming.....:twisted:

:roflmao:

Mine. (http://www.stripgenerator.com/view.php?id=110272)

:twisted:

Clem

http://www.stripgenerator.com/viewEng.php?id=110417

:lol:

Here's mine... :twisted:

OMG these are hysterical

tsk tsk tsk...

That's a pretty sweet generator! Must think up something clever!

Graeme

Ha! Erich is sleeping and I have this chance to show you what he's really like!

http://www.rebeccaroka.com/real_erich.html

Bunny the Cat

Such an evil kitty. :evil: Good artist, though.

:shock:
?projectentacle vomit

Hmmm... it seems my evil kitten has gone on Tonmo.com via my account while I was resting... bad kitty! Bad, bad kitty! Nobody's supposed to know that this is just an "Erich suit" I'm wearing!

I wonder if Bunny had any help?:hmm:

Ahhh, I just found the complete version of "Sick Love" - the sordid tale of how Rebecca and I met...

http://www.geocities.com/rebeccaroka/sick_love.html

It's all true, I swear! Enjoy.:cthulhu: :tentacle:

Words fail me...

In awe in Vlaardingen,

O

That's pretty awesome Erich!

Graeme

:tentacle: Ahhhh, young love.... :tentacle:

and here I thought she reserved her laser eyes for waitresses bearing mashed potato trays !
very cool!

Sigh.....Ya'know, it really is all true...especially the part where Rebecca utterly destoys a creep at the dinner club.

:lol: awesome.

In an attempt to raise the obscure and maybe-more-weird-than-funny geeky groaners bar:

Happy erf (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Error_function) day, everyone!

And a very happy erf day right back atcha!

A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus

"hey we don't serve his kind in here" sez the barman

"give him a beer and he'll play any musical instrument you choose"

barman stumps up with a beer, octopus downs it in one gulp , grabs a trombone and begins an impromptu Jazz session


"that is WAY cool" another beer for my octopus friend," octo downs it and plays the most amazing guitar riffs, this goes on for some time and the octopus works it's way through all the instruments in the band (the piano solo was to die for), in walks a scotsman in full highland regalia, carrying his tartan covered bagpipes. Upon hearing about this marvelous cephalopod he buys it a beer and places his pipes in front of it.

Well the octopus peers at the pipes, it circles them finally it stops and stares and morphs into a blob.

"well aren't you going to play it?" says the octo owner

PLAY IT????? I'm trying figure out how to get her pyjama's off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought this thread had died?

the undead shall rise again!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA:twisted::twisted:

The stars must be right.

I was hoping it'd be dead, by now...

What did the snowman say to the other snowman?
"Do you smell carrot?"

What's an archeologist?
Someone whose career is in ruins.

What happens when two snails fight?
They slug it out.

...

An Indian consulted his medicine man about a pain in his stomach that had persisted for three months.

"For something as long as that," said the Medicine Man, "I have a more drastic remedy than the herbs I normally prescribe. Chew on this leather thong every day. It is 31 inches long: chew one inch every day, and at the next moon come back."

The Indian dutifully did as directed, and at the next moon he returned to the Medicine Man.

"How do you feel?" the Medicine Man asked.

"The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

The old man is walking a young girl out into the forest.

"I'm scared", she says," it's spooky out here!"

He answered:

"You think it's scary for YOU, I have to walk back alone!"

Off topic! This one is actually funny :wink:

Got this from Myopsida...

What does a giant squid do when a colossal swims by?

Architeuthis ducks!

There was this chap visiting England and before he left home he'd been told he absolutely MUST visit this particular Tea Shop and try their Koala tea.

As he was visiting London he decided to try this so called liquid delight. After many hours of tramping the streets of Manchester he finally found the Tea shop in a dingy, gloomy back alley in Mersey. With a certain amount of trepidation he pushed open the door and went in sat down and ordered a pot of Koala tea from the waitress (who frankly would not have looked out of place stirring a cauldron).

the tea arrived, he poured a cup and sat back to enjoy.........but what's this there were "bits of stuff" floating in his tea, he called back the waitress "waitress there are lumps in my tea!"

"why yes guv'nor....the koala tea of mersey is not strained............!"


apologies to Will S!

It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven...