At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I'd never get to see a giant squid alive
But then a boat off of the coast trawling the South Pacific seas
Well they captured a colossal, now it's up to Kat and Steve

Oh now I, I will squid-dive!
Unless Mesony eats me, well I know I'll be alive
It'd be such a chance to take, just to stare one face to face
I will squid-dive, I will squid-dive,
Yeah yeah!

:mrgreen:

~berit

:headphon:

:shock:

You folks have WAAAAY to much time on your tentacles!

:wink:

Sushi and Sake,

John

Since this thread has become awfully stale, I thought it was high time we acknowledge the Disney characters that are so dear to us...

Donald Dux
Inkerbell (Peter Pan)
Thomas O'Mantle (The Aristocats)
Queen of Three Hearts (Alice in Wunderpusland)
Prince Arming (Cinderella)
Sleeping Teuthy

Sleeping Teuthy! HHAAHAHHAHAHAAHA! ...eehhm. Others?

So while we're on the subject, what has swivel hooks, a giant beak, and does ten secret handshakes at the same time?

A Masonic-o-teuthis.

Get it? Masonic.... secret handshakes.... [TD taps microphone].... uh, 'scuse me, is this thing working?

well, id have to say that tani (once again) has brought the groans back to groaners

:cthulhu: :heart: :beer:

well, id have to say that tani (once again) has brought the groans back to groaners


Just call me "Matt Groaning" :P

Which reminds me -- tonight I was watching THE SIMPSONS (which I hadn't for a long time), featuring a scene that took place at the "Springfield Squidport". Also, when Ned Flanders' movie-star fling was in the midst of filming her nude scene, ol' Ned ran up to block the camera, protesting that the film was turning into "SpongeBob No-Pants". Glad to know that someone out there is keeping the faith!

:squid: :heart: :spongebo: :!:

Unfortunately, the post in the Health, Feeding, Behavior and Husbandry forum titled "we've got eggs" has put the god-awful ZZ Top song of a similar name in my head. And so, you must all suffer with me:

She's Got Eggs

She's got eggs, she knows how to clean them.
She never drags, she knows how to wean them.
She's rearin' eggs knowin' how to feed them.
Would you do the same thing if you could only have them?
She's got babies, she's got babies,
yeah, it's alright.

She's got tentacles down past her mantle.
She's using jets, to clean them gentle.
Everytime she's siphoning, she knows what to do.
Everybody wants to see if she can hatch them.
She's so fine, she's covered in brine,
girl, you got it right.

She's got eggs, she knows how to clean them.
She never drags, she knows how to wean them.
She doesn't whine, at any time,
stays up all night, carin' for her young lives.
Oh, I'm in awe of her, said, 60,000 larvae,
the girl is alright, she's alright.

:band:

you did a better job with that than ive been able to do with the george clinton and doug e fresh songs stuck in my head :)

:cthulhu: :heart: :beer:

:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

Wonderful debut for Our Fearless Leader in the field of full-length song parody -- hope more is forthcoming in the future!

(Why do I keep thinking of two Octos with long beards and shades?) :sun:

Back to the drawing board for the rest of us temporarily retired song parodists....

:grad:

why dont we do a group or band a week? Choose an artist and see who can cephalosise a song they did they best (worst)?

Can we start a dictionary for words like 'cephlosise'? suppose the americans could use 'cephalosize' :mrgreen:

C

(Why do I keep thinking of two Octos with long beards and shades?)

they dont need beards, the tentacles will suffice.... but only if they get that circular pointing away movement down.....(usually found in the videos right before the lucky guy drives off and the bands disappears)


A HOW HOW HOW HOWWWW.....

:cthulhu: :heart: :beer:

WK, I see what you mean...

definitely the squiddle old band from texas....you live for photo shopportunities dont you? ironically, the clean shaven drummer's last name is beard.....


:cthulhu: :heart: :beer:

you live for photo shopportunities dont you?
I've been quite pleased with all the fodder... :)

On a vauguely related topic I just wanted to mention that I saw the non-ceph ZZTop here at the Journal Pavillion two weeks ago, and they ROCKED!
:band: :band: :band:

How come nobody said ZZ Teuth?

:rainbow:

To the tune of Slow Ride by Foghat, here's Slow Worm, inspired by this thread (http://www.tonmo.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=910).

Slow Worm

Slow worm, Colin’s breeding! Slow worm, Colin’s breeding!
Slow worm, Colin’s breeding! Slow worm, Colin’s breeding!

In the tank, the timing is right
Move without legs, we can roll all night
Oooh, oooh, slow worm – oooh, oooh

Slow worm, Colin’s breeding! Slow worm, Colin’s breeding!

Er, OK… that’s enough of that… :mrgreen: :roll:

great... now my mind is stuck in 70's music mode..... i blame you since im now trying to think up lyrics for 'we're architeuthis men' along the lines of grand funk's 'were an american band'

:bonk: curse you tony! it wouldnt be so bad if i didnt have the song on vinyl....now im going to have to go listen to it.... :goofysca:


:cthulhu: :heart: :beer:

(been awhile since i signed that way)

How many people does it take to circumcise an Architeuthis?




4 Skin divers

http://anduin.eldar.org/~ben/funny/html/109.html

Tony,

Hate to point this out, but I counted only seven "pows."

:roll:

Clem

http://anduin.eldar.org/~ben/funny/html/109.html

That first Octopus must've been Ralph Kraken.

:P

While we're on the subject of bad jokes....


http://www.cephbase.utmb.edu/TCP/faq/TCPfaq2b.cfm?ID=56

While we're on the subject of bad jokes....

http://www.cephbase.utmb.edu/TCP/faq/TCPfaq2b.cfm?ID=56

Dejà-vu alert :alarm: !

I am 100% positive that I've seen this joke elsewhere online, and 101% positive that Colin once submitted it to the Message Board. (Though not necessarily on this thread.) Ah, you just can't miss with a classic....

BTW, the most effective delivery of that other joke would probably be:

- What did Ralph Kraken say to his wife?

- "One of these days, Alice, one of these days.... Bang! Zoom! Bang! Zoom! Bang! Zoom! Bang! Zoom! Bang! Zoom!"
Some of our younger TONMOers may not get the reference, but I think it's a regular riot.

:snorkel: :idea: :squid:
Trixie Danae
The Sewers of Paris

Yep, its on the immortalised part of the groaners

"Why philosophers do not argue with octopi." (sic)

http://www.longleaf.net/ggrow/cartoons1.gif/Octopus.gif

"Why philosophers do not argue with octopi." (sic)

http://www.longleaf.net/ggrow/cartoons1.gif/Octopus.gif

That's deep. Really, really, really deep.

:snorkel:

Anyone ever post Lord of The Blue Rings?
Gandoelfini?


Behold, my mighty self tomatoe army, 1,000 strong!!!!

:tomato: times 1,000

Gandoelfini?


Isn't he the star of THE SQUIDPRANOS?

Self- :tomato: x 1,000,000 (with marinara sauce)

Tani Banani

(? I think this disappeared last time I tried to post it... censored? :roll:)

And let's not forget his traveling companion Aragornaut...

Nick, that may be a TOUCH excessive.....

:|

Oh, I don't know about that, WK. Perhaps he was just inspired by European current events:

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_659338.html

Harchiteuthis harchiteuthis. Very funny. You think I'm gonna be suckered into laughing at that? I octopus your face in for saying something that stupid.

Harchiteuthis harchiteuthis. Very funny. You think I'm gonna be suckered into laughing at that? I octopus your face in for saying something that stupid.

Very punny, DG. Think you scare me? I could knock your teuths out myself. However, if you insist on taking up arms against me, let me warn you that the pen is mightier than the ink. And anyway, I am already having you followed -- what do you think that detective was taking photophores?

:arrow: http://seawifs.gsfc.nasa.gov/OCEAN_PLANET/HTML/squid_taningia_surprise.html

8)
Me

Now now Tani, remember way bocki when you were brutally out punned by Clem a mere four pages ago? It's gonna hapalochaena again.......

Hey Tintenfisch, see Nick over there? Go get 'im!

:twisted:

oh, i see.....someone invoked the name of someone that bested you and your first response is to call for backup? :roll:

why do i suddenly feel like tina turner in Mad max beyond thuderdome? "two (people) enter one (person) leaves" :) at least i hope i look half as good as she does when im 50/60 (yes, i know its not the same but work with me.... decent set of legs etc.)

as for nick, pun away, but try not to go overboard with the emoticons :)


:cthulhu: :heart: :beer:

why do i suddenly feel like tina turner in Mad max beyond thuderdome? "two (people) enter one (person) leaves" :) at least i hope i look half as good as she does when im 50/60 (yes, i know its not the same but work with me.... decent set of legs etc.)

Aw, WK, I think you'd look kinda cute in stiletto heels and a miniskirt -- though that might make it a little harder for you to straddle cannons in parks....

:lol:

Happy 3/4 of a year anniversary.
:party:

Brave words, Taningia... but I have an inkling that my cuttle words can bring you to your knees. For however crabby (sorry, not a ceph) you may get, remember that I can bring you down like a humboldt of lightning. For, although this seems like just funnel, I can mesonychoteuthis you up pretty well! The pen is mightier than the ink?! LOLigo!

Tani in quite a fix...

:meso: :goofysca: :ammonite:

(hope it works)

Guys,

Once upon a time, there was a little boy who used too many emoticons in his TONMO posts. The police arrested him and sent him to Guantanomo Bay. A military tribunal sentenced him to eat squid until he died.

The End.

The big question, Clem, is how was the squid cooked, and was it free?

The big question, Clem, is how was the squid cooked, and was it free?

Dosidicus,

Calamaro di vendetta is a dish best served cold.

Wouldn't you agree, Taningia?

Clem

Guys:

Sorry, but I've deleted the posts that were using external emoticons / smilies. There are PLENTY of gross-out, offensive, off-color, what-have-you smilies out there, I'm aware of most of them... I've only chosen the smilies I'm comfortable being used on TONMO.com... you want gross-out, there are plenty of other Message Boards on the Internet for that, but not here, we're trying to be focused ("trying" being the operative word!). So please, only use the smilies available to you from this forum to express yourselves... thanks!

:police:

Guess I did go overboard with the smilies.

Hey Tintenfisch, see Nick over there? Go get 'im! :twisted:
[belatedly charging into the fray] grrrrRRRRRARRRRR!!! :snail:

Sorry, I was off Galiteuthisvanting for the weekend... didn't mean to let these guys dismantle you without backup, Tanster. I knew things were a little too buccalic around here for safety...

Calamaro di vendetta is a dish best served cold.

Wouldn't you agree, Taningia?


Most assuredly, Clemenzo -- and served with a large cask of Amontillado. Nemo me impune lacessit and all that.... :twisted:

Watch your dorsal mantle surfaces, gentlemen, next time I visit this rockpile I'll be taking along lots of nice fresh mortar. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!

Tani, Terror of the Deep

!). So please, only use the smilies available to you from this forum to express yourselves... thanks!

:police:

Now that you mention it, we could use a few more silly invertebrate smileys, couldn't we, gang? Squidward, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, Gary the Snail, Oswald, Tako, maybe even Squiddly Diddly (now there's a blast from the past!)

All together now: WE WANT MORE SMILEYS! WE WANT MORE SMILEYS! WE WANT MORE SMILEYS!

I recently drew up a little vampire squid, nautiloid and belemnite to be used as smilies. Trouble is neither I nor Tony knew how to convert them into useable images in the right format. I think they have to 'transparent', or something.

Any ideas on how to convert them into workable smilies would be appreciated. I think they are rather cute.

and served with a large cask of Amontillado. Nemo me impune lacessit and all that.... :twisted:


Thats what i love about this place.... where else can you get references like that and have them connected to squishy critters?

Thats what i love about this place.... where else can you get references like that and have them connected to squishy critters?

....not to mention profound sociopolitical commentaries on Spongebob and the Three Stooges.

:wink:

Yep, I do have a number of quite nice smilies, but have to get them so that their backgrounds are transparent....... If you have photoshop, please PM me! :)

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus.

"He can play any musical instrument in the world."

Everyone in the bar laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.

A customer walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus.

Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix.

The guitar owner pays up the $50.

Another customer walks up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Miles Davis.

The trumpet-owner coughs up the $50.

Then Jim, a Scotsman, plonks some bagpipes on the table. The octopus fumbles with the bagpipes for a minute and then backs off with a confused look.

Ha!" the Scot says. "Can ye nae plae it?"

The octopus looks up at him and says,

"Play it? I'm going to ****! it as soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off."

:roflmao:

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus.....

<snip>

...."Play it? I'm going to ****! it as soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off."

I laughed so hard, I almost forgot about the first three times that one was posted to the message board.

Well, almost.

:P

Bah...........this thread is now so long, I really can't be bothered to wade through it all. Sorry!

It is almost a year old, you know. Has anyone ever had a birthday party for a thread?

Bah...........this thread is now so long, I realy can't be bothered to wade through it all. Sorry!

That's OK, Philster. In fact, I believe it has been preserved for posterior -- er, posterity -- in the IMMORTALIZED GROANERS Forum. However, if you don't watch out I will post my "eight shots of bourbon and a ginger ale" joke again, and then we'll all be in trouble.

You have been warned.

:evil:

It is almost a year old, you know. Has anyone ever had a birthday party for a thread?

Speaking of which, happy 1yr 10 day anniversary...... :party:

No one has posted here fore more than 2 months!!!!
Okay, how bout this one:

So this diver goes into the ocean off China. He sees an undersea shop, so he goes in and sees a weird little bronze squid on the shelf. He asks the shopkeeper how much it costs. The shopkeeper tells him that it is $1000.05- five cents for the squid and a thousand bucks for the story. The diver tells the shopkeeper, "I'll take the squid, you can keep the story."
As the diver is swimming home, he sees a little squid jet up from the deep and swim alongside him, as close as he can get to the bronze squid. Then anotherone jest up, this one a firefly squid. Soon the huge form of an Architeuthis is rising behind him as he swims furiously for shore. He sees the shore, and grabs the squid. He throws it on shore, and the squids all jet ashore and die.
He comes back the next day.
"Ah yes," says the shopkeeper, "Now you want the story?"
"Nope," says the diver. "I just want to know if you have a bronze Republican."

:roflmao:

Shame on me for encouraging DosidicusGigas.

LOLcarol neil

I'd be :roflmao: too, but with a slghtly different ending... :wink:

Good one!

Thanks.... it was originally a bronze rat, but I had to make it squiddish.

Anything to please you. :lol:

And let us not forget Dick van Dux in SQUIDDY SQUIDDY BANG BANG!

:lol: How could I forget! No tomatoes, sent more spoofs! Wait, where were they all headed in that movie? My brain is inking...


I watched that in band 5 weeks ago (ccbb) I hated it

How about the CALAMARI cruiser in star wars

there's a Mon in front.... Mon Calamari :grad:


:shock: Did i give away the fact that im a quasi-geek?

there's a Mon in front.... Mon Calamari :grad:

Hey Mon, would that be Bob Moncalamarley?

:rainbow:

:roflmao:

Oh, how I've missed that stuff.

No i think its calimari cruiser. Mon calimari is a planet

ok so its mon its still has a calimari in it

'Eya, mon, what's doin? You want buy a cigar?

Ya mon. We be JAMMIN'!

:lol: Wow, this was an awesome thread. Tani, come back!! Your fronds miss you!

.... it died

Not necessarily....

hibernated...

The Dead Thread Collector: Bring out yer dead threads.
[a man puts a TONMO thread on the cart]
Large Man with Dead Thread: Here's one.
The Dead Thread Collector: That'll be ninepence.
The Dead Thread That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.
The Dead Thread Collector: What?
Large Man with Dead Thread: Nothing. There's your ninepence.
The Dead Thread That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.
The Dead Thread Collector: 'Ere, he says he's not dead.
Large Man with Dead Thread: Yes he is.
The Dead Thread That Claims It Isn't: I'm not.
The Dead Thread Collector: He isn't.
Large Man with Dead Thread: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.
The Dead Thread That Claims It Isn't: I'm getting better.
Large Man with Dead Thread: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment.
The Dead Thread Collector: Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.
The Dead Thread That Claims It Isn't: I don't want to go on the cart.
Large Man with Dead Thread: Oh, don't be such a baby.
The Dead Thread Collector: I can't take him.
The Dead Thread That Claims It Isn't: I feel fine.
Large Man with Dead Thread: Oh, do me a favor.
The Dead Thread Collector: I can't.
Large Man with Dead Thread: Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
The Dead Thread Collector: I promised I'd be at the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.
Large Man with Dead Thread: Well, when's your next round?
The Dead Thread Collector: Thursday.
The Dead Thread That Claims It Isn't: I think I'll go for a walk.
Large Man with Dead Thread: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do?
The Dead Thread That Claims It Isn't: I feel happy. I feel happy.
[the Dead Thread Collector glances up and down the street furtively, then silences the Thread with a whack of his club]
Large Man with Dead Thread: Ah, thank you very much.
The Dead Thread Collector: Not at all. See you on Thursday.
Large Man with Dead Thread: Right.

Maybe this thread is not dead, but is just pining for the fjords.

Maybe it just smells funny? Ammonia, anyone?

Pushin' up the daisies.

It's only a flesh wound!

Well, after all of that, I think that you should have to cut down the mightiest tree in the forest. With a ...

Maybe it's just sleeping for strange eons....

...herring!

Being from Vlaardingen, herring capitol of the world, this is considered an honour. You want onions to go with that, gov'?

Can't get "maatjes" in Arizona, I fear.

Now, for groan inducing silliness...

groan...

I have no idea what you guys are talking about...

groan...

I have no idea what you guys are talking about...

EXACTLY !

Did love herring with some mustard sauce and a slice of bermuda onion...ah, giving up eating fish can be hard sometimes!

...ah, giving up eating fish can be hard sometimes!
Dude, I'm proud of ya!!

I am willing to give up my favourite octopus recipes for the sake of tank owners, but will NEVER let go of my herring :grin:

OK, groan time:

Q: Who has ten pistols and terrorizes the seas?
A: Billy the Squid.

Q: How does an octopus go to war?
A: Armed.

EDIT: C'mon guys, it doesn't get much worse than that, right? Who'll pick up the gauntlet?

well, at least this thread hasn't been nailed to it's perch yet...

well, at least this thread hasn't been nailed to it's perch yet...


Or it's pike. How about a Shad?

...OK, groan time:

Q: Who has ten pistols and terrorizes the seas?
A: Billy the Squid.

Q: How does an octopus go to war?
A: Armed.

...

NICE, dude.

Q: Why is it not wise to insult, then turn your back on an octopus?

A: He's bound to throw you a sucker punch.

:tomato:

That's BAD, Tony.... :lol:

What do you call a neurotic octopus?
A crazy mixed up squid...

Q: What do you call an octopus who listens to John Coltrane?

A: A beaknik.

Ok, my one and only attempt at re-worded lyrics. Now the song is stuck in my head!!!!

They're slimy and they're slinky,
Mysterious and stinky,
They're all together inky,
The Squidly Family.

Their house is in the ocean
Where people swim to see 'em
They really are a dream
The Squidly Family.

(Jawed)
(Clawed)
(Decapod)

So get a pair of boots on
A black and blue wetsuit on
We've gotta pursuit on
The Squidly Family.

:grin: nice one!

Now see what you've dredged up here, Steve?

Thread title speaks for itself. :heee:

Did anyone else know that this the oldest open thread on TONMO.com?

A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.

The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. He drowned and his body was never found.

The biologist said she wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. She too, never returned.

The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".

He drowned and never returned.

Tell me, In Pittsburgh, do the dead make it a habit of returning? Maybe a large following for George Romero in the area? :grin: